KO continued.

By the time I got home, showered, and got in bed after the wedding, KO had called me 3 times. Or well, it was a number I didn't know, but I knew it had to be him. For one, it was quite late at night. And I don't get random calls at that time of night. I called him back once I was comfortably in bed and we talked very easily until sunrise. I couldn't believe it when I saw the first rays of morning peek through my blinds. He was (and still is) so easy to talk to. We talked about everything. Our backgrounds, growing up, education, work history, dating history. BUT. I skipped my marriage. And the kids. Technically, and by law (and the Church) I've actually never been married. All I had was one flimsy ceremony in my parents' living room. But I digress. He told me all about his business, his expansion plans, and even his humble beginnings (in the business). By the time I got off the phone, the help was up. I gave her instructions to give Laje breakfast and to make sure she didn't wake me up. Then I went to sleep and spent most of Sunday in bed.

Finally, around 3pm I woke up. But it was a different waking up. I hadn't woken up that happy in probably 2 years. Something was bubbling from within me, and I think even Laje (my 6 year old) noticed.
Laje: Mummy, did you eat too much sugar?
Me: HUH? What do you mean?
Laje: Everytime I'm excited and I sing or hop around, you ask me if I ate too much sugar?
Me: Oh. Yes my darling. I had a lot of sugar last night. But I didn't eat it.
Laje: How come it's affecting you if you didn't eat it? What did you do with it?
Me: *At this point realizing I should have just told her I ate it* - Err, I talked to it? (Even I knew that was stupid)
Laje: Mummy you can't talk to sugar, that's food!
Me: Yes my darling, you're right. Anyway, have you done your homework? Let me have a look at it.
Laje: I don't have any homework
Me: Laje! How would you not have any homework on a weekend???
Laje: Okay okay, can you help me do it now?
Me: Go get it and set it up on the table. Let me grab a quick bite.

By the time I was done with Laje's homework, I checked my phone and noticed KO hadn't called or messaged. It was now 5pm or thereabout. Being my usual panicky self, I started thinking of the worst. Had he done some research and found out about my past? Did I say something wrong on the phone? What could have gone wrong? Why hadn't he called? Then I took a bold step, and decided to call him. No answer. That just heightened my panic. And as I always do when I'm about to have a panic attack, I got in bed and buried myself under the covers. All sorts ran through my mind, and I must have fallen asleep.

I was startled by my phone ringing (probably around 7pm), and it was him. KO. I panicked a bit. Then realized it was probably a good idea to just answer.

KO: Hey Fela! How are you? How did you wake up so early? We didn't go to bed before 7am!
Me: Ah ah! 7am to 3pm, that's 8 hours! That's more than enough sleep for any normal person now!
KO: But it wasn't a normal night! Do you know how much you danced last night? You shouldn't be able to walk today, haha.
Me: How do you know how much I danced? You weren't even on the dance floor.
KO: Oh no, I wasn't. But I was somewhere in the hall. Watching your every move. You're such an amazing dancer sha. Like all the other girls were doing the most, trying to be noticed. And you were just there doing your thing, looking so sexy without even trying to or realizing it!
Me: All na wash jare!
KO: You don't believe me? Then how did I meet you at the door right as you were leaving? I was watching you all night. To be honest, I needed to rest my feet because it's been crazy for me since the engagement on Thursday. But once the wedding was officially over, I knew I had to get some rest so I wouldn't pass out. So I got a seat in a corner, and just watched you. It was one hell of a show!
Me: You just know how to constantly keep a girl blushing, don't you?
KO: Anyway, what are you up to tonight? Can we grab a quick drink? You live in Ikoyi yea? I can pick you up in 30 minutes?
Me: Sounds great. I better hop in the shower.
KO: I better make that an hour then. This one you're just about to shower; you women and your serenre
Me: Trust me, I have no interest in serenre. I'm a very simple girl, you'll see. 30 minutes will do.
KO: Ok. Text me your address. See you soon.

By 8pm, we were at this quaint bar in Ikoyi. I've lived in Ikoyi all my life, and I never knew it existed. The ambience was very nice...romantic. The crowd was very different; not your usual Lagos crowd. He must have good taste, I thought. We sat in a corner, secluded from everyone else, but able to see the entire bar clearly.

KO: Mystery Woman. Just yesterday I was staring at you from a distance. I was instantly drawn to you. But I didn't know if it was a good idea to talk to you. You know how Lagos girls can be.
Me: Well, I'm glad you did. Before we go any further though, I have to ask. Are you single? Like fully, 100% single?
KO: Sounds like someone's been burned!
Me: Yea, well, I had a really bad experience once. So basically, is there any girl out there that can claim she's currently having something with you? No matter how insignificant?
KO: Nope. My ex and I broke up about 3 weeks ago. I promised myself I was going to take it easy for a while. But you had to come and ruin that eh, Mystery Woman?
Me: What happened?
KO: That's a very long story for another day. Now, I should ask as well. Are you fully, 100% single?
Me: Yes.
KO: How's someone as beautiful as you single? Abi you're one of the crazy ones?
Me: Not crazy. But it's a very long story.
KO: Well, I'm in no hurry. Tell me.
Me: I'm divorced. Not technically divorced, because I was never officially married. But I was someone's 7th wife. And I have 2 kids with him. And I perfectly understand that our date is probably over now. I don't even know what I was thinking. I can never have a normal life again.
KO: That's all?
Me: *Blank stare*
KO: Ok, I'll be honest. It's a lot. But it's not the end of the world. I still like you. And I'd still love to get to know you. I appreciate your honesty, and based on the few hours of conversation we've had, I have a feeling we're going to get along very well. Again, it's a lot. But I care more about here and now; about the future, than I do about the past.
Me: *Dumbfounded*
KO: Back to deaf and dumb?

And then I burst out laughing. That was the perfect icebreaker. We hung out for about 2 hours, and then he dropped me back at home and like a gentleman, gave me a kiss on my cheek.

Change is here! That's what we were all chanting a few months ago, ba? Change has also come to my life. I've been AWOL for many reasons. The summary is this. I'm in my 30s. I have 2 kids. I was 'married' to a man that I couldn't live with (yes, I said was). And now we've decided to part ways. Some of my friends haven't even gotten married the first time. And I'm already looking for my second marriage. Okay, maybe I'm not looking to get married. After my ex and I decided to call it quits, I promised myself a year of aloneness and celibacy. I lasted only three months. Not because I wasn't strong enough, but because I met a guy I thought was worth giving it all up for. He brought a lot of sunshine into my otherwise dark world. I might someday tell you the story of why I left my ex (or maybe he left me). But for now, I'd like to focus on the happy part, aka the new man.

Let's call him KO! I call him KO (as in knock out) because of what he does to me every time I get in bed with him. But also because it's his initials (please don't try to guess who it is). I met KO at a wedding. Weddings are apparently a really good place to meet guys; just FYI. Anyways, I was sat at a table alone (because my friend went to the bathroom) when he slid into her seat and asked what my name was. I refused to say, and just smiled at him. He asked again, "What's your name? I'm KO." Still, I sat there smiling. But he didn't give up. I think at some point, he thought I was deaf and dumb? Because he brought out his phone, opened the  note pad app, and proceeded to type on there, "I'm KO, what's your name?". When he handed the phone to me and I saw what he'd typed, I actually burst out laughing. And then I said to him, "You think I'm deaf and dumb?", to which he replied "My bad, you just kept smiling at me and the expression on your face never changed."

We laughed about it all, and that's how we got talking. But I still didn't tell him my name. He asked if I wanted to take a walk outside, and I was more than happy to get some fresh air. You know Lagos weddings can be a bit much. So I waited for my friend to return from the bathroom, and off I went with KO. We walked into the parking lot, and then he asked if I wanted to go into his car and talk there. We did, and that's when he said, "You still haven't told me your name, mystery woman." Something about him calling me 'mystery woman' tickled me. So I responded, "Why don't you just call me mystery woman?"

KO: So, Mystery Woman, what or who brought you to this wedding today?
Me: I have no idea why I'm  here. I really didn't want to come. But my friend refused to go alone. So I guess I came here as a wingman. Why are you here?
KO: The groom is my brother.
Me: Oh. Wow. Now that you say it, I see the resemblance. So why are we out here? You should be in there!!!!
KO: Nah, it's cool. I've been in there all day. Even in the morning, before any guests came. I need this break. And who better to spend these few minutes of calm and quiet with than the most beautiful girl at the party.
Me: Oh here we go. That's about the worst lie ever!
KO: I mean it. I see all the flashily clad women in there with all the layers of make up. And I won't lie. There are many hot babes in there. But you're the only one that caught my eye. And you caught my eye as soon as you walked in. You walked in with your friend, and I saw you hug some guy in a navy suit. My heart almost broke when you hugged him. I kept thinking 'Please don't sit with him. Please don't be his girlfriend.' Imagine my joy when you hugged him and kept moving. And then I kept waiting for the perfect time to talk to you. I kept waiting for you to be alone. And when your friend went to the bathroom, I knew that was my chance.
Me:.....silence.....
KO: Wait. Are you shy?
Me:....silence......
KO: Do you see why I thought you were deaf and dumb?

And then I burst out laughing. I'm not sure why the deaf and dumb thing gets me everytime. And even until now, it still serves as a good joke in certain situations.

KO: So what do you do, Mystery Lady?
Me: I'm in the process of setting up a travel business.
KO: Oh? A travel agency?
Me: Yes. But not in the regular naija sense where all they do is sell you tickets. It's going to be a full service agency, crafting entire holidays, cruises, and all that good stuff.
KO: Interesting. Beauty and brains.
Me: Thanks! So, what do you do?
KO: I have a haulage business.
Me: Oh? Sand, gravel, and all that stuff?
KO: No, oil & gas. Diesel really.
Me: That's cool. Oil  & gas big boy things!
KO: Yea right. Me I'm a hustler o. No where near big boy. That's the dream sha. To be a Lagos big boy.
Me: Not sure how I feel about Lagos big boys
KO: Don't worry. I'm nothing like those boys. I better ask right away, do you have a boyfriend?
Me: Nope. (I sighed a sigh of relief; that he didn't ask if I had kids.)
KO: You're very beautiful, mystery woman.
Me: ....silence....
KO: Ah ah! What is it with you and your deaf and dumb, on & off?
Me: You asked if I was shy. I'm very shy. And I never know how to react or respond when I get a compliment.
KO: A simple 'Thank you', perhaps?
Me: Okay. Thank you.
KO: And your body is amazing. I know you tried to hide it in that loose dress. But I can see.
Me: Thank you. And guilty as charged, the dress is supposed to hide everything.
KO: Why would you want to drown your body in such a loose dress? If you've got it, flaunt it, no?
Me: I'm not really in a flaunting mood.
KO: Hmm. Okay o. Are you ready to go back in?
Me: Sure. I should go keep my friend company. Although I'm sure she would have found some friends to chill with.

And then he did a strange thing. He held my hand as we walked back out of the parking lot and into the hall. He walked me to my seat, gave me a kiss on the cheek, and said, 'Don't leave without saying goodbye.' I tried to talk some sense into my own head. I reminded myself of my one year aloneness and celibacy plan. So I decided that even if he came back to me, I wouldn't let him take it any further.

The rest of the wedding was fun. In fact, it's probably the most fun I've ever had at a wedding. We were there until 2am! It pretty much turned into a club. The DJ was so amazing we danced for three hours straight without catching a break. I kept looking for KO on the dance floor, but I never saw him. I figured he was an oniranu that had probably taken another girl into his car to talk. I decided to 'face my front', since I didn't want to get into anything with any guy anyways.

As we were exiting the hall a few minutes past 2am, someone grabbed my waist from behind. I turned around, ready to slap whoever it was. And then I saw it was KO. We locked eyes for a few seconds, and my heart jumped. I promise you, I felt something I've never felt. I can't say it was love at first sight, because I don't believe in that. However, it was something at first sight. I let him leave his had on the small of my back, and he walked us to the car. When we got to the car, he asked for my number, and I gave it to him. He insisted on calling my phone, to be sure I gave him the right number. And then he asked, how do I store your number without a name? That's when I told him my name was Fela O.

To be continued...

You Lagos bitches aren’t taking it easy anymore. OMG! What I saw last weekend??? I quit!

It was my neighbor’s 40th birthday, and he invited me over for a ‘come-chop’. He’s also my older brother’s friend, so my brother was at the party as well. We were all hanging out on the balcony (nd boy, was there excess booze??) when this babe (no clue who she was) walked up to my brother. In front of all of us, she said to him, “You look like my ex-boyfriend. But a much finer version of him."  I was like…wow…no chill. Blank stare. Everyone of us on the balcony basically froze for a minute, no reaction. Then we went on like nothing happened.

Fast forward to an hour later, everyone was all drunk (or at least tipsy). I walked into the guest room to take a phone call because of all the noise in the living room and what did I see? This bitch was on her knees giving my (married) brother a blow job. I sincerely wish I never saw it because I can’t seem to delete the picture from my memory.

What’s worse? The babe later came around to introduce us to some ugly scrawny looking man that came quite late to the party as her husband.

I quit.

Beware of bastard friends. As if the one in my last post wasn't enough, I've had to break up with another friend. This girl, Lola and I were friends for most of Uni. I met her on the same day I met my ex; the only serious relationship I had in Uni; which lasted 3 years. It was one of those club parties, and I had gone with another friend. I met the ex, Tony and we instantly kicked it off. That same night, Tony's friend had come to the party with Lola.


At the end of the night, Tony offered to drop me off [I didn't drive; as I went with my friend but she decided to leave the party early while I was having way too much fun with Tony]. His friend then asked if he could drop Lola off as well, since Lola lived just two streets from Tony. Obviously, they dropped me off first. And then he went to drop Lola. I kept calling that night to find out if he ever made it back in one piece, but he never answered until the next morning. He said he fell asleep.


Tony and I eventually bloomed into a full, overly intimate relationship and I definitely felt like I was the luckiest girl in the world. But then, him and Lola used to talk a lot. I remember jokingly asking him why he was talking to much to his friend's babe just from dropping her at home one night. Then this Lola babe started sending him  cryptic facebook messages. I didn't think too much of it. As he said, she's just one of those crazy girls.


One year into our relationship however, me and Lola's paths would cross again and we soon became buddies. Since then, we've been very good friends. She was even one of the names on my list of Bridesmaids, were I to ever have a regular wedding. I didn't. But you obviously already know why. My wedding took place in my parents' living room. Lol.


Now, Tony adds me on instagram these many years later and asks for my number, that we should catch up. I can't lie. He was the one great love of my life. And there's no excitement in my life these days, so I decided to catch up with him. That's how he started this whole story about wanting a fresh slate upon which to build a friendship. He now started coming clean about how he'd wronged me while we were dating and he confessed that he and Lola had apparently been having something for the entire duration of our relationship.


Imagine that? My advise sha, is to keep your lover and your friends very far apart. Yes, you trust your friends. But abeg, don't test them. Just keep them all far apart. I don't know how anyone would open their legs for their friend's man.


But then again, maybe I do. Story for another day.

See me see wahala oh. Sometimes, it really isn't good to help people. My own friend, a girl I consider my sister, a girl I once gave up a trip abroad for; so that we could pay her school fees, is now claiming that my husband...my own husband...my own Gbenga...tried to toast her. Like what rubbish is that? How disrespectful is that? If Gbenga hears this now, he'll say he's been telling me to cut the stupid little bitch off. But do I ever listen? No.

Nene. Bastard little girl. She said her office sent her to Gbenga's office on some business. Of course he recognized her as my friend and invited her into his office after the meeting. She said he gave her money for lunch; well duh! What else would he do? He really takes on an almost fatherly role when it comes to my friends. The idiot now claims that as she was leaving his office, he asked what she was doing later that day and wanted to know if she could meet him at Sheraton. She supposedly told him she didn't think that'd be appropriate, and he proceeded to tell her that it wasn't a big deal. She said my own husband told her there was more than enough of him to go around.

IMAGINE! What kind of daft person is this? This story is obviously FABRICATED. I don't even know what to call it. Beef? It's really not good to tell your friends too much about how good your husband is to you. This is the kind of shit they try when they know what they're missing. My best guess is that she tried to flirt with him and he shut her down, and she's now telling foolish lies to drive a wedge between by husband and I. UGH!

Anyway. Step one was to unfriend her. Yes. I told her it's officially over between me and her. And we can never ever be friends again. I've also warned her that there will be dire consequences if I ever see her go near my husband again; work or not.

Trifling little whore.

Is it me or is everyone in Lagos a stylist or personal shopper these days? I guess fashion design is now getting too saturated and they are all settling for styling. I keep getting emails from people asking to be my personal shopper/stylist. Ehm...thanks but not thanks! I am very capable of buying my own clothes and dressing myself. And I think I do a damn good job, considering all the comments and compliments I get whenever I dress up. I wish people would explore other creative jobs though. But I guess that's where you know a true artist. They don't do what is in vogue, they do what their heart leads them to. I admire musicians like Bez that know for a fact that afro pop a la Davido is where the money is at, but decide to stick to their own special genre. In Nigerian terms, I appreciate you! LOL! Don't you just hate it when people say that to you????? "I APPRECIATE YOU". Death to whoever says that kind of nonsense!

Meeeeeanwhile, my friend from LA called me over the weekend with some juicy gossip. Lol, okay not gossip. I bet she won't appreciate me sharing her problems with the world. Hello drama! There were ten of them going to Vegas for someone's birthday and they rented two SUVs with third row seating. She gets to the meeting point, and who did she spot? Her husband's ex-girlfriend, LOL! And not just any ex...you know the really obnoxious one that won't stop calling your husband even though they've been over for more than five years? The one who pretends to just want to be friends when you know that any slight slip on your part - she'll be taking your place without looking back. So they sat through a four hour car ride, with the ex sitting right behind her. The world is so tiny though...because I still cannot imagine how both of them ended up in the same social circle. Let's call my friend Lucy - and let's call the ex Linda. Lucy's husband (I'll call him Frank) was also going on the same trip with them.

Long story short, when they got to Vegas, it was all well and good. Until Lucy found Frank and Linda having what looked like a heart-to-heart by the pool side when she returned early from a shopping trip...I guess heated pools make for heated conversations, LOL! She said hello to both of them, kissed her husband, and went upstairs to her room...saying she had a headache and needed a nap. Later that night, when they were all at dinner, she found that Linda somehow sat beside Frank (Lucy sat on the other side of him), and Frank was being a little too nice to her. This is the same ex he used to say all sorts about...."she's obnoxious"..."she was a long time ago, she can't possibly be my type anymore"...etc. Before the end of the night, Lucy started feeling like the ex, with all the attention Frank was giving to Linda.

Fastforward...the night before they left Vegas...Frank said he was going to catch up with the boys. Lucy and the girls decided to hit the casino, but Linda said she needed to do some last minute shopping. They weren't really feeling the slot machines so they decided to hit the town (since it was their last night anyways). What (or rather WHO) did they find? Linda & Frank, holding hands, while watching the water show at the Bellagio!!! ANYWAYS, Frank insists it was nothing, but Lucy isn't having it. She's now asking for my advice, and I think it's pretty obvious!

I had an amazing Valentine’s day. Yes! Even though I’m wife number 7, my hubby made the day extra special for me. When I got back from dropping Laje off at preschool, I met a huge bouquet of flowers in front of my door; accompanied by some heart shaped balloons. I thought, “Oh hey, well at least I didn’t roast for Valentines!” I thought that was it for me for Val’s. I had planned to have lunch with my friend, Remi…depending on her workload for the day.  You know with these investment bankers, you can never predict their schedules. I’m saying this as an ex-investment banker that used to work at the same firm. It’s particularly worse with Remi, as she’s currently married to her work and desperately seeking a promotion. Unfortunately, her career is one of the things that caused her divorce. I don't know why anyone would choose career over family; but hey, I love my friend! 

As soon as I opened the door and walked in, I found rose petals on the floor. I followed the rose petals into my bedroom, and the bed was made in crazy fancy sheets. There were scented candles burning too! By this time, I was wondering what the point was, when I was going to end up sleeping alone in the bed anyways. Alas! I was in for a major surprise. Gbenga jumped out of my walk-in closet, bearing gifts. I wish I could go into further details…but you know now… *wink*. Anyways, we ended up spending the entire day in bed and he got his driver and assistant to pick Laje up from school and take her out for a treat. It was TLC that I had been craving for the longest time! So, what did I get for Val’s? Not a lot. I got a diamond necklace, and I’m just dying to wear it out now! And I finally got my hands on the blackberry Porsche (I NEVER KNEW THAT THING WAS REAL OH!).

Meanwhile, over the weekend, I got to attend a wedding. I’m not friends with the bride or the groom, but my cousin asked me to go with her and you know I can never say no to small chops and free alcohol. Actually, maybe it wasn’t about the food and drink. I think it was the fact that it was a ‘society’ wedding that made it so irresistible. Apparently, the bride is the daughter of a former president. I even paid the N65,000 for the aso-ebi, even though I’m not an ‘ebi’ (family or close friend), so to speak.  I got HOK (House of Kunmi) to hook up the Austrian lace…I swear, the 30k I paid her was well worth it. I can’t tell you the number of guys that tried to holler. If only they knew I was a married mother of two. But it was nice to get all that male attention. I even saw some of my husband’s friends at the wedding. Apparently, they’re friends with the groom’s father. I’m surprised he wasn’t there.

My cousin, Nike, and I got to sit at a table of the snootiest Lagos girls. I thought I was bad, but I met my match. For the three or so hours that we sat at the table, I swear that all the conversations were about first class travel abroad (if only the knew some of us were now flying private - but whatever), the birkin bag, designer shoes, and such. I heard Japanese hair is the latest thing now. O ga oh! Anyways, I’ll tell my hair supplier to hook me up sharply so I can be one of the first few ones to rock it. OH! So the party favors they handed out included ipads and the blackberry touches (I would have bowed if they gave out the new Porsche). At least, my baby now has an ipad to play around with. I swear she uses my ipad a lot more than me, the owner. I downloaded lots of baby apps and she seems to have mastered the ipad better than me. My Lala is going to be a genius! You just watch. And she never asks me to open any app for her. She somehow finds her way around it. What was I playing with as a three year old?

I miss Junior so much sometimes. Sucks that he has to be away at boarding school, but I think it’s best for him. I couldn’t think of a better secondary school for him than Day Waterman College. I almost sent him to England, but his father decided he wanted him to be in Nigeria, as per his only son. Yes, Gbenga Junior is what brought my husband and me together. It’s a crazy story…and I don’t have anything better to do so I’ll share with you.

Our relationship first started when I was in S.S. 3. I met him randomly one day when I was with my parents at a house party on our street in Ikoyi. He asked me for my number, and I gave it to him. Yes, he was my father’s age mate, but at that point I had just dealt with a slew of stupid young boys and I thought it wouldn’t hurt to try out an older man. He wasn’t my “aristo” so to speak, because I didn’t need anything from him financially. I thank God for my background, and that I never had to sleep around for money or anything. He took me out a few times, and we had an instant connection. Before I graduated, unfortunately, I got knocked up. As soon as I told him about my pregnancy, he dumped me and said he never wanted anything to do with me again. I told my parents everything, and despite their disappointment, they supported me. I had a baby boy, and named him Gbenga Junior, after his father. Because I got pregnant, all my hopes of going to Harvard were shattered. My parents told me I had to go to a University in Lagos so that they could monitor me. They couldn’t really trust me anymore. So, well, I ended up at Unilag and still graduated uni at the age of 22. Because I studied economics, I immediately got a job with an investment bank where I first served, and then became a full-time investment banker.

Sometime shortly after my 24^th birthday, Mr. Gbenga Olulojulo himself came to my bank for some investment advice, and that’s where we ran into each other again. He asked how I was doing, and I said I was great.  He asked if I’ll meet up for lunch, strictly as friends and I did. While at lunch, it slipped that I had a son whom I had named after him, and he became really emotional. He asked for forgiveness and said he’ll do anything to take me back. Apparently, he had 6 other wives but none of them had a son for him. He had 10 daughters in all! I didn’t immediately jump back in, but instead took it really slow. Within 6 months, we got married…and by a year and a half later, I had my precious daughter. So that’s how I am now married to a 61 year old man. But I tell you, age really ain’t nothing but a number. I am very happy in my marriage and won’t have it any other way!

K